It had been months since I'd swam with such purpose, and it wouldn't do to lose the touch of it. My own breath and the splash of strokes settled into a rhythm, interrupted at random by the toss of a larger swell.
I paused to rest before I was tired. When my legs swung down and I began to tread water, the icy cold of the sea around my feet chilled me. I smiled and kicked my legs out. Immediately I sank underwater. The surface closed over my head and my hair swirled out. I opened my eyes and saw several good-sized fish swim rapidly by. Around me was teal, pierced by wavering rays, and I could only discern the distant bottom by the scattering of dark rocks below.
I was far enough out. Perhaps even too far.
My body floated gently back up to the top, and I stretched out and filled my lungs. My mind drifted. I pictured the water washing right through my skull. What if this really was all I was meant to do? Stripped of context, any moment this blissful was a victory. What was stopping me from measuring my life against its own best? Maybe as a boy, I’d been so excited about the idea of just doing anything adult, I'd become accustomed to rushing forward, to straining towards an arrival.
The water on the front of my skin had dried away. I could hear the underwater thump and hiss of the faraway low waves, and they lulled me. I was thinking -- one day, and another day, another day. Just like those waves. Simply keep going.
Keep penetrating, forever, into whatever the next space was.
But that was an uneasy thought. It was one thing to set aside my habit of ambition, and navigate sightlessly through and around my own problems. But what if I were the rock? What could, right now, be bleeding into me?
I suddenly thought of the strange eye that I'd hallucinated during Jasha's last test. It was just a flash of a thought. But it made me raise my arm out of the water and bring it to my throat. Nothing was above me except the translucence of the sky. Nothing was in me, but me.
It didn't feel that way, though.
I almost felt too visible out here. Releasing a held breath, I sank fully into the ocean and started treading water again. Towards the horizon, the massed clouds had moved a little closer, and I could see a wide veil of rain. Time to head in. I dove in the other direction towards the beachfront.
It felt good to kick hard and push against the cold water. For the first time I wondered if what Jas and I were doing had persistent effects. I pulled myself more determinedly through the sea, as if to outswim this fear.
Coming up in chest-deep water, I wiped the salt out of my eyes and smoothed my hair back. I'd been carried laterally. For a split-second I couldn't recognise which part of the beach I was on, even after fifteen years of coming here. Then I quickly spotted my towel, and the entrance to the trail. Maybe the shoreline currents weren't as settled post-Perihelion as I'd thought.
The sound of the waves carried more of a vibration now, and when I swam back under the surface, the air was full of dissipated bubbles.
My toes touched the sandy bottom, and I dug in, steadying against the warmer waves that hit my waist when I stood up. I was shivering slightly despite the heat on my skin. Turning towards the sky, I shut my eyes and faced the sun. It lit the inside of my eyelids bright red. It warmed my throat as I bent my head back. It outlined the darkness that seemed to vibrate on the edge my breath, my arms, my fingertips.
The wind rustled in the shuddering palm fronds, a lonely yet soothing sound.
Then I was just a man, standing dripping in the surf. As I looked around, the late morning normality did seem alien and quiet. I felt exposed. For once I didn't rebel against my own unease.
I shook out the towel and wrapped my clothes in it. Another breeze blew through the clacking palms. I could feel that the temperature dropping slightly, from the steaming heat of the morning to something more manageable, from the wind that blew the clouds towards the shore. I'd dry off as I walked back. It was time to go to the port anyway.
I had a refreshing shower, and threw on the clean flight jumpsuit, made of blue cotton with pockets down the legs, and subtle gold trim. Pach likely had a grab-bag of jobs for us to do today to prepare for the race, depending on what had inevitably gone wrong at the last minute. Thinking of this, I shoved a few snack bars into one of the suit pockets. I was about to step out of my room and head to the car, when a tiny light flashing on my bedroom wall screen caught my eye.
Marseline?
No, it was white, not purple. And it was in the wrong spot.
I actually had to think for a moment. It must be a mistake. The public line? Whoever had contacted me was gone now, leaving only a message. Someone who didn't know me well enough to have my personal code, let alone my internal contact.
I pushed the bedroom door closed again. Curiosity got the better of me, and I pressed my thumb to the ID sensor below the light, acknowledging that the message had reached me.
"Hello. This is Captain Aubrye Benent of the Belisma E-1. I am Director of Navigational Communications for Trium Luna. This message is intended for Jessyn Skye."
There was the customary security pause, and I almost stopped the replay in confusion. Had I misheard? I fumbled to put my thumb back on the sensor, waiting to see if it would continue.
"Mr. Skye, I will be in your area in approximately two of your weeks," the cool voice continued. "I'd like to speak with you about a potential apprenticeship with us, if you're available. We're aware of the customary one-year leave granted to Daltian graduates, and its compensation could be discussed. If you'd prefer to decline, please send this message directly back. Otherwise we'll take the step of contacting you at ten a.m., two weeks from today. Thank you."
And that was it. The green circle on the screen formed a star, indicating that this ship captain would soon know that I'd heard this message.
I did nothing but stand there, then remembered the sunglasses forgotten in my hand. Slowly I put them down on the table. The Trium. My note tablets were scattered across my desk, with an abandoned mug beside them. Luna. My bed, unmade, bathed in the subtle light of the white-shaded wall of windows. I felt dizzy, and sat down on the edge of it. Aubrye...what was his name?
I could replay it.
The cheery little green star shimmered on the screen. Suddenly I wanted to know how long before he got the receipt. Where was he that was two weeks away? Not Luna. What...what was Belisma? His ship?
I laughed softly. My head was a swirl. And when my bedroom door chime sounded, it startled me.
Hastily I cleared the wall screen. "Come in," I said.
It was Jasha. "Sorry I didn't ping you," he said. "I remembered I'd forgotten right as I got here."
"That's ok," I replied.
"You alright?" Jas squinted at me. "Too much sun?"
"Uh..." I trailed off. Maybe? Somehow the swim and the message blurred in my brain, and I felt odd at the thought of myself out on that beach. "Could you...could you come in? And shut the door?"
He did so, hiding his concern under a frown. He pulled a stool over and sat down beside the curio table. And waited patiently for whatever dirty secret or new catastrophe I was had to divulge.
The longer I sat there, the harder it was to say it. "I got a message."
"Yeah?"
"It was about an apprenticeship."
"DeBlays?" Jasha's face lit up.
Seeing that pierced me. "No. From Luna. The Trium."
"Oh." He looked as stunned as I felt. "Who was it? What was it for?"
His shock I was ready for, but not that little flash of fear. "Some starship captain. The director of -- of NavComm. He didn't say much."
Jas sagged a bit, amazement and disbelief taking turns on his face. "That's incredible," he said.
"Here, let me just play it for you."
He stared at the wall screen as I flicked it on and replayed Captain Benent's message. The voice, which had first seemed cold to me, resolved itself into a low, clipped tone. It was perfunctory, but intelligent.
Afterwards I blanked the screen again, and shut the entire comm system down for good measure. Jas watched me do it.
"Never heard of the guy," he said, after a few moments of stillness.
"Well, why would you have? You don't like Luna or the Trium." I scowled. "I wonder if he'd want me to go there." Everyone knew how far away Central was.
"Well, you don't have to," Jas said. "You've got options. Just because the Trium wants you to do something doesn't mean you necessarily have to. Not always." When he saw I still looked troubled, he added, "What do you want to do?"
I ran my hand through my damp hair. "Go meet Pach, in a little while. Think it over. I didn't do anything but acknowledge receipt."
"Good."
I studied him. "You don't like this, do you?"
"I like it for you. But I don't like what it means."
I wasn't sure that I did, either. But I couldn't deny the elation snaking through my heart.
"Jasha?" I said. "Don't talk about this yet. To anyone."
He met my eyes. I expected him to shrug nonchalantly, as if to say, of course. But he steadily looked at me. Then he gave a little nod. And somehow, his solemnity made it seem all the more real and strange.